The decision to marry is one of the most important decisions in a person’s lifetime, and it has become increasingly common for couples to live together before making this commitment. Couples who choose not to live together until they get married often attend pre-marriage counseling seminars, offered by religious and civic leaders, where they encourage couples to ask themselves some questions before deciding on marriage.
Questions to ask Yourself Before Committing to Marriage
The following is a list of questions you should ask yourself before committing to marriage. It may seem overwhelming at first, but it is important to take the time to do this exercise. After you and your perspective partner have written down your answers, you can discuss them with a well-meaning friend or pastor who can advise you on how best to proceed. You could also take this questionnaire to your religious leader to discuss your answers. If possible, try to get input from people who are not directly involved in your relationship.
Following are 10 Marriage Preparation Questions:
1. What are your values?
What do you believe in? How do you want to live your life? What do success and accomplishment mean to you? Write down 5-10 things that matter most to you and rank them from most important to least important. You may have many strong beliefs, but not everything will be equally important for everyone. Doing this will be a good starting point in framing what matters most to YOU.
2. What are your goals?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? … 10 years? What would success mean to you? What do marriage and family mean to you? Will this marriage be a way of achieving some of your personal, professional, or spiritual goals, or will it enhance what is already there?
What is the most important thing you want to accomplish in your lifetime, and would marrying this person help achieve that goal or impede it? Now should be the time for serious and realistic introspection.
3. Where are you headed in life?
How do you spend your time outside of work: at home, with friends, pursuing interests? Do you have a community to which you feel connected? What are your long-term career goals? If you marry this person, will it change the goals that are important to you? What do you hope to accomplish in your life, and what do you want out of it?
4. Are there other significant people in your life?
Is there someone else who matters to you as much as your partner, and if so, why? If you have a family member or very close friend, whom you do not want to live without – or far away from – will it be possible for you to still see him or her after getting married? And will you have your partner’s support, or might he be jealous of that relationship? Can that person still be part of your life without interfering with your marriage?
5. Are you happy?
Write down what makes you happy. Is your partner the person you are happiest with? What are some key things that give your life meaning? Which things matter most to you, and why do these things matter to you?
6. What do others say about your relationship and why?
What do family members and friends say about your relationship? Does your family get along with your partner – and his family? And do you get along with his? Do your friends like him and support your relationship, and do his friends like you? Of course you should not make your decision to marry based on your family’s or friends’ opinions of your partner, but this might still be an important factor, because you will be surrounded by them – and hopefully supported by them – in the future.
7. Do you have the same priorities?
It is advisable to answer some of these questions – like this one – separately, to see whether you and your partner have the same priorities. If you do not have the same priorities, it may be best not to get married at this time.
8. What are your long-term plans?
What is essential to you in life? Living together before getting married helps you to find out how compatible you are. If you choose not to live together before being married, these questions are vital to find out your compatibility. Fact is, if you are not a good match in terms of your goals and ambitions, your marriage will only bring frustration and disappointment.
9. What is your experience with each other’s family and friends?
It is worth taking some time to get to know them, whether they are from the same culture or not, because these relationships will become a significant part of your life together.
10. How about finances?
To ensure a good and lasting relationship, you should be compatible in regards to your financial expectations, for example your ideas of spending – and saving – money. What are your current financial needs? You may need enough money to support yourselves while still in school, while finding a job or starting your careers. If you are still studying, will your partner support you financially – and vice versa? Or, for example, your partner may argue that “owning your own home will bring peace and harmony,” but unless both of you can afford it, owning a house may cause additional financial struggles … and stress in your relationship.
Conclusion
If you are not sure whether to marry the person you are in a relationship with after answering these 10 questions, it is best not to be in a hurry. Should you still decide that you want to commit to a marriage, you should share at least some of the same goals and dreams, so that both of you will be able to reach your full potential and be happy.