Loyalty and faithfulness should be the pillars of any marriage. However, statistics suggest that more than a few men – as well as some women – have a hard time abiding by those principles. In a modern marriage, the meaning of commitment seems to have faded. The issue of unfaithfulness and cheating contributes to high rates of divorce nowadays.
Many times though, extramarital activities are the consequence of an unhappy relationship – and a sign of looking for an easy route to escape marital problems. Of course, there is no logic to trying to run away from a marriage. But before you judge your spouse, you need to make sure that you were right with your suspicion.
If you do suspect that your husband is cheating on you, here are some warning signs that you can be looking out for:
1) He goes to dinner without you knowing about it
Dinner dates have some aspects of romance. If your spouse loves and cares about you, he would probably not go on a dinner date without letting you know about it. Of course he may be meeting a business partner for dinner or just be out with friends, but not to tell you about it seems suspicious – especially if this happens more than once.
2) He works late and later
Interestingly enough, the majority of relationships start in the office. Given the fact that men often spend more time in their office than at home, it’s not unlikely that your partner may have met someone there. Telling you that he has to work late may be deceitful, but a good excuse not be around that new woman. Frequent late nights are suspicious, especially if your spouse cancels on you last minute. While you have been cooking dinner and are waiting on your husband to come home, your husband fails to show up or cancels on you, just before he’s supposed to arrive.
3) He does not pick up the phone when you call
Communication is the key to a successful marriage. If your husband spends many hours at work every day, calling each other on the phone is a wonderful way to stay connected and check in on each other. If he stops picking up the phone whenever you call, you might want to ask him for the reason. Maybe he’s just been really busy or focused on an important work project, but neglecting your phone calls on a regular basis, without offering an explanation, seems somewhat suspicious.
4) He stops doing things that used to be important to him
After a hard day at work and sitting in an office for hours at a time, men are usually happy to come home and do something else that’s totally work unrelated. Whether your husband enjoyed coming home and walking the dog, mowing the lawn, working in his garage or playing with your children and suddenly seems to have lost interest, you should be worried.
5) He does not pick up his kids from school anymore
If your husband keeps on finding excuses for not being able to pick up his kids from school, try to find out the reason. Whatever reason he gives you, you may want to to start looking into what might be going on with your life – and family as a whole. You had both made a commitment to each other that family should always come first, and if he suddenly seems to have lost interest in his responsibilities, there must be a reason.
6) He wants a separate account or has a second cellphone
If you’ve had a joint account throughout your marriage, and your husband suddenly insists on getting his own account – without stating an obvious reason – something seems off. The first thing you should do is check your joint account, to make sure that there has been no strange activity which you did not know about. If your husband wants his own accounts, he may want to hide something from you. If he, all of a sudden, shows up with a second cell phone, and it’s not explicitly a business phone, he may want to be able to call someone after hours, without any interference from you.
7) He does not talk to you anymore
No matter how long you have been together as a couple, there is always something to talk about, even if it’s only about the stuff of every day life. If your husband seems withdrawn and shows no more interest in talking to you, there is definitely something wrong. The reason for his silence may not be another woman, but it would be good to ask him and try to find out the reasons for his withdrawal.
8) He talks about other women he finds attractive
Being physically attracted to someone is inevitable – even after getting married. And it’s completely normal to find someone attractive every now and then. The question is what you do with it. You can enjoy the moment and think nothing of it, or you can pursue more.
If your husband suddenly starts mentioning other women he may have met at the office, and keeps on telling you about how beautiful and funny and smart they are, you might want to find out what he is really trying to say to you. Is this some criticism in disguise, in that he wants you to take better care of yourself and dress up more, or is he actually after another woman?
9) He comes home really late, and he’s tired
It’s not unusual for your husband to come home late from work, but if he keeps doing this more and more often, without an excuse, and he always says that he’s too tired – even too tired to want to have the usual dinner with the family, that does seem somewhat odd. Maybe this is just because of his workload, but living a double life and keeping up with the charade can also be very tiring.
10) He stops being affectionate with you
If your husband stops showing you affection, he’s definitely hiding something from you, because men long to have intimacy! There are two possible options why your spouse may not want to sleep with you anymore: he might be doing this because he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you – or because there is another woman in his life.
11) He is always late for family functions
Work is a great opportunity to run away from problems at home. Work is also a good excuse to miss or arrive late at family events. The question is, is your husband more concerned about his job than about the family? Is his job the reason why he regularly misses out on family events, which used to be so important to him? Or is there someone else he is spending his time with?
12) He does not pay attention to your baby
Being a parent is the most challenging job of all, and parenting something that has to be learned. Having a baby can be overwhelming, also for your husband, and he may be somewhat uncomfortable and insecure in the beginning. On the other hand, a man who loves his wife and child, should still show some enthusiasm whenever he’s able to be at home. If he’s making no effort to spend time at home and with his newborn, and seems to pay little attention to the baby whenever he is at home, you should be concerned and try to find out the reason for his behavior.
13) He doesn’t ask you how you are anymore
In any happy relationship the partners ask each other how they are doing, and they do so each and every day. It seems to be the most normal thing to do. Of course you want to know how your loved one is doing, that is, if you care about him. If your husband never ask you how you are doing anymore and does not give you the time of day, something is wrong.
14) He does not smile anymore
Many men do not know how to express themselves when it gets to their feelings. In our society, for some strange reason, men are told that showing their emotions make them look weak, which is contrary to the truth. Women long for emotional intimacy and for their spouse to express his feelings. No matter whether your husband is generally more or less communicative about his feelings, if you notice that he always seems withdrawn and can’t even smile anymore, there may be something wrong, Maybe he’s depressed about his work situation, or he may be hiding some marital problems from you.
15) He starts being rude whenever you disagree
If your partner regularly picks an argument with you, for no apparent reason, then your relationship probably has some deeper unresolved issues. And if he gets rude and disrespectful, whenever you disagree on something, you should be alert. In a healthy relationship both partners can agree to disagree, and there’s never a reason to show disrespect. And even if this were to happen at some point, your husband would later apologize for his unreasonable behavior.
16) He is very short with you most of the time
Men, in general, do not talk as much as women do. Still, if your husband is suddenly very short with you, every time you ask about his day or start talking to him, then most likely is hiding something from you.
17) He starts making excuses about everything he does
If before he was much more open and straightforward with you, but now, all of a sudden, he starts making excuses for everything he does – or doesn’t want to do (like spending time with you), something’s not right, and he might be hiding something from you.
18) Nothing you do is good enough
If your husband complains about everything you do, and there seems to be nothing you can do to do anything right, it’s probably not you who has the problem. If he gives you the feeling that nothing you do or say is ever good enough, there is definitely something going on inside of him. He is probably just looking for excuses to be unhappy, so that he can justify having an affair.
The Bottom Line
I you really believe that your husband has cheated on you, be sure to first do a thorough background check on him before doing anything else. Sometimes, your interpretation of the situation could be wrong, and it’s better to know for sure, before doing anything drastic. Definitely talk to your husband first and confront him on the issue.
Who knows …maybe your husband’s strange behavior is just a test, because, for some reason or another, he is not sure about your relationship anymore? The only way to find out is to ask him. The key to any working relationship is communication, so try to talk to your spouse first, and maybe you are able to resolve this issue.
If, however you have reason to believe that your husband is being unfaithful, then the above mentioned points may help you to solidify your suspicion.
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