Everyone longs for that one special and intimate relationship in their life – and is elated once they’ve found it. However, as the years go by and the two of you have been together for a long time, you may feel like that initial sparkle is gone. Now what? Fact is, you are not alone in this dilemma – every relationship will eventually face the same challenge: how to keep that special connection with the one you love. The following article offers 26 ways to help reset your relationship.
1 Communicate openly and honestly
No matter how long the two of you have been together, communication is still the most important thing to maintain a happy relationship. Communicating openly may even be especially important right now, when both of you feel like your relationship has faded into a practical living-side-by-side situation. Talk to each other honestly and try to find out what happened, and what could renew that spark. You might be surprised by each other’s thoughts.
2 Be the active one
We create our relationships. Any happy relationship needs an active involvement by both partners. Wonderful relationships don’t just happen automatically – they also don’t remain unique and exciting, unless you do something about it. Ask yourself what you can do to get that spark back into your relationship, and then ask your partner as well. Get involved in bringing about positive change – both of you.
3 Be willing to invest time
To maintain – or regain – a happy relationship needs your investment … and first and foremost, an investment of your time. When was the last time the two of you spent some quality time together? No matter how long you have been together, it is important to set aside some special time … and do things that the two of you enjoy. A relationship is a ‘alive’ in the sense that it continues to change, for better or for worse. Try to make time for each other and decide on doing things out of the ordinary.
4 Accept that no one’s perfect, not even you
After having spent so many years with your partner, you both have realized that neither of you is perfect; both of you probably have some habits that are frustrating to your partner. Work on accepting each others’ flaws, and maybe new find ways to go about your daily lives without constantly getting on each others’ nerves. One way might be to not spend every evening together, but for each of you to find your own hobby and start doing things without your partner. Doing this will be fulfilling – and you will have something to talk about when you see each other again.
5 Discuss your fears without holding back
We are all afraid of something, and if you have been holding back on telling your partner the truth about some of your innermost fears, than now might be the time to tell him. Your partner should know what you are scared of, and you too should know what scares your partner. You may have some fears that go back to experiences in your childhood, and which you have been too afraid to share – maybe you were ashamed, or feared rejection. However, telling your partner about your fears can be the start of a wonderful conversation, will take your relationship to a much deeper level, and allow your partner to help you with overcoming them.
6 Become a Team
As the saying goes,”It takes two to tango.” Relationship is a team effort. In a soccer team, for example, each player is equally important and expected to give his all, for the good of the team – with the shared common goal of winning. The same principles apply to any successful relationship, as both partners put in equal amounts of time and effort to maintain and grow their relationship. Maybe both of you can put in another round of team effort – or even try to become a real team for the first time in your marriage. You may be surprised by how this will change your relationship.
7 Choose love and intimacy
Love is a choice. A simple statement with a profound message. Infatuation is a feeling that overcomes us, but to love someone is a choice. Love is more than a feeling, it is the decision you make to respect, accept, encourage, and be truthful with your partner. Love, just like marriage, is a commitment to treat each other in a certain way that makes both of you happy. Have you been patient? Have you been kind to each other? Have you treated one another with respect? Love is a verb and requires action. Maybe it’s time for some increased action on your behalf, in order to rekindle that love.
Another very important part of keeping romance alive in your relationship is to make time for intimacy. Whenever woman is not interested in sex anymore, man gets worried. Being affectionate, cuddling up, holding hands, hugging each other regularly and enjoying good sex is essential to any happy relationship. When was the last time you enjoyed an intimate moment with your partner?
8 Take a look in the mirror
“If you want the world to be a better place, take a look in the mirror and make a change.” In his famous song, Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson addresses one of the most important issues of humanity – the message that we must be the change which we long to see in the world. The same truth applies to your relationship: if you want to renew that spark, ask yourself what you can do. Don’t wait on your partner to improve the situation, but think about some things that you can do to bring about change. You are not responsible for his actions, but you are responsible for yours. If you have realized some things that you could be working on, in order to improve your relationship, don’t wait.
9 Look for the good in each other
When you have been married for a long time it may be more difficult to still see your partner’s qualities, but it’s definitely worthwhile taking another look. Living together slowly tends to shift the focus from your relationship onto the little daily ongoings, which can get very annoying after some time – especially if you disagree on how to take care of these daily situations, like household chores or paying bills.
If all of your conversation is about who will get some milk or pick up the kids from school, soon there won’t be much left to talk about. Also, disagreeing on some of these daily issues can be very frustrating – at one point you may have forgotten all the reasons why you loved your partner and chose to marry him. Take some time to sit down, then make a list of the things you love and cherish about him.
10 Do not wait to apologize
We all make mistakes, because nobody’s perfect. And we will hurt each other, maybe not even intentionally, by saying something we did not mean, or letting our own frustrations out on our partner. Hurting someone even happens to the best of us, and it’s completely okay, because we are human. Everyone has a bad day sometimes and does not treat those around him as he knows he should. What is important though, is what we do after this has happened. If you want your relationship mended, it’s best to apologize – and best not to wait with an apology.
11 Be your own best friend
How can you love someone if you don’ love yourself? Not possible. In other words, you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself. Why? Because as long as you have not learned to love yourself, you will be busy thinking about all the things you don’t like about yourself. You won’t be able to really focus on another person. So take some time to reflect and work on your self-love. It is never too late to change … and as you learn to love yourself more, it will immediately begin to reflect positively on your relationship.
12 Subscribe to a hobby to have some time away
Even though a happy relationship needs a team effort to make it work, you also need to keep your own identity. Follow your interests, develop a hobby, start doing sports and find activities to do without your partner. If you sit on top of each other every single day, your relationship is bound to get boring and frustrating. When you decide to spend time away from each other several times a week, you will be able to renew that spark … for two reasons: both of you will feel more fulfilled, because of these activities you are involved in, and the two of you will have something to talk about again, whenever you see each other.
13 Do not point out your partner’s flaws
It’s very likely that you partner is already aware of his flaws, so there’s no need to keep pointing them out to him again and again. All of us have flaws, that’s just the way it is – and part of what makes a relationship work is to accept each other’s imperfections. Nagging has never helped a situation. Compromise is needed on both sides … only then can you tolerate each other’s mistakes and weak spots. Just remember that you probably also don’t want your husband to point out all of your flaws.
14 Do not compare yourself
Comparing oneself is a dangerous thing and often ends up in jealousy and envy. Fact is, there will always be someone who has more – or less – money than you, will be prettier – or not as pretty – as you, will be better – or worse – at your job. As long as you focus on and envy other people’s achievements, you lose.
You may even be comparing yourself with your spouse. Doing this puts you in a competition but will probably not help your relationship, on the contrary. Instead of comparing yourself, be proud of who you are and all that you have accomplished. Everyone is a unique individual, with unique qualities. And the essential thing in a happy relationship is not to be like your partner, but to be uniquely you.
15 Accept that you are responsible for your own happiness
We live in a society that loves to blame their misery and failures on others. And it’s very convenient, because as long as we do that, we can remain the victim of our circumstances, and don’t have to take any responsibility for our actions. But fact is, only when you are willing to take responsibility for your actions will you be happy, because only then are you willing to reflect and deal with your own issues – and can conquer them! In that same way you cannot expect your husband to always be the one to make – and keep – you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness – and this kind of happiness, nobody can take away from you.
16 Try not to make the same mistake twice
As we enter into a new relationship we are full of love and hope – and sure that we won’t repeat our mistakes. We are certain that we have learned from the mistakes we made in our last relationship. Ideally that will be so, but in reality, as much as we want to not repeat our mistakes, since we are creatures of habit, they are bound to happen again. Important is what we do after we have made that same mistake again. Communication and forgiveness are key to mending a relationship, again and again and again. This, plus the hope that we can indeed learn from past mistakes and won’t have to keep repeating them.
17 Give up trying to control one another
There is so much distrust in some relationships, and both partners seem to spend all of their time and effort trying to control each other. Other relationships may have only one partner who must always be in control. Neither of these two situations will make for a happy relationship, because a healthy relationship is built on trust. Trust does not need to control. And trust is the basic for love. If you care about your partner and long to bring some of that love back into your relationship, then stop trying to control him and instead extend trust, believing that both of you want the best for each other.
18 Respect your partner’s boundaries
Each one of us is uniquely different, in regards to our likes and dislikes and in regards to what we can and cannot tolerate – that is why we set personal boundaries. In a relationship it is of utmost importance to respect these. One may need more personal space than the other one, or more time to themselves. It is very important for both partners to respect that.
19 Plan fun dates and nights out together as a couple
It is well-known that fun and romance are fundamental elements of any relationship, and there is no reason for this to not continue, no matter how long you have been married. Find out what your partner likes and what makes him happy, what he enjoys doing and what makes him laugh. Then try to plan regular fun dates and take turns surprising each other.
20 Be honest
Honesty brings about trust, and trust is the essence of love – and the essence of any lasting relationship. Honesty is not an easy thing though, in fact, oftentimes it feels easier and less painful to not be completely honest. Being honest requires courage … the courage to stand up for one’s mistakes – and the willingness to bear the consequences of your actions. Whoever is able to do that will be richly rewarded, because honesty rids you of the guilt you may have been feeling and sets you free.
21 Make sure that issues from the past do not slip into the future
Are there issues in your life that you have not told your husband about – issues that may even date back to your childhood? Issues that keep coming up and bother or upset you, but that you have decided to keep inside, because you feel guilty or ashamed? And you’ve never told your husband, although you have already been married for so long ? The good news is, it’s never too late to be honest and to clean up your past – for your own sake, as well as for the sake of your relationship. If there’s still a burden that you carry and want to get rid off, try to tell your husband, and, most importantly, try to be completely honest with yourself.
22 Do not settle for relationships that seem easier than yours
“The grass is always greener on the other side,” is a saying which speaks of our tendency to always think that others have it better than we do, or that the past was much better than the present. Do not fall into the temptation to see another man and think that being together with him might be much easier and better than the relationship you have now. Every relationship is a struggle at times, and every relationship needs work. Changing partners may feel good for the first weeks, but once you share every day life with your new partner, the same – or similar – struggles will surface, because that’s the reality of any relationship.
23 Be sure to compliment each other
Never assume that your partner automatically knows how much you care about him – or how much you still love him. All of us need to feel needed – and loved. Compliment your partner on his efforts and express your appreciation for him with words. Compliments take but a minute to express, but will go a long way in making your partner feel loved and appreciated. And it is only when one feels loved and appreciated that he will be inspired to do the same.
24 Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve
In the past, you may have been content with what you’ve had; you may have put less value on yourself, for one reason or another – and that is why you now are in a relationship that overlooks your needs. However, you should never compromise your own personal needs, because in the long run, you will be unhappy and not fulfilled – and this will reflect on your relationship. As you honestly begin to acknowledge your own needs, you will be more willing to fight for things that matter to you, which is essential for any happy marriage.
25 Be respectful
No matter how annoying they may be, respecting another human being is one of the most important things in a relationship. It’s well-known that respect is the greatest form of love, and it is crucial to respect your partner if you want your relationship to last. No matter what they do or say, your response should happen in a respectful manner, especially if you want to get your point across – and hope to bring about change. We need to treat each other as we ourselves want to be treated.
26 Take an interest in each other’s work, hobbies, and interests
There is nothing more important than to take interest in each other’s lives. Ask your husband how his day went, listen to him when he shares about his struggles and frustrations, and be interested in his dreams and goals. And, of course, he should do the same. Every time you take an interest in each others’ lives, you connect with each other. This constant connecting will keep your relationship alive and interesting.
Conclusion
Whether you and your partner are currently going through a difficult time, or you feel like your marriage has lost its spark, these 26 tips might be able to help you reset your relationship. Fact is, it’s never too late to change, especially if both of you still love each other and are willing to work on yourselves.