The idea of finding the one in a population of 7.9 billion people is close to impossible. Despite the discouraging relationship between math and finding a soulmate which from research is very low, there are still those that hold on to the idea. They believe that there is one person meant for them in the world.
The Disney concept that you can only be happy with that one person has perhaps gotten to people. When it comes to the soulmate issue there are more optimists than those who are skeptical in America. A survey 2021 YouGov survey involving 15000 participants proved this point. 60 percent of the participants believed that soulmates are real, with a big chunk of 64 percent, being women.
What is the meaning of “soulmate” Anyway?
Plato that ancient Greece philosopher must have been the first person to document what a soulmate meant in The symposium. He, later on, came up with the audacious twin flames concept which suggested that there was a deep longing between soulmates.
Socrates, who was Plato’s mentor had other ideas. He concluded that soulmates were the exact opposite of each other. His theory was that there was more of a symbiotic relationship between soulmates, where one would provide what the other did not have.
The ideas of these two philosophers provide a hopeful insight into what soulmates are. Since Plato and Socrates’ time, the world has greatly changed. Human interactions, lifestyle, and relationship expectations are different. The modern-day definition of a soulmate is two-sided.
The first is that a soulmate is someone that you deeply connect with, in short one who is perfectly suited for you. The idea is that a soulmate is a person who you are linked to romantically or sexually, with a special relationship based on love. Then there is the pop culture definition, that we have only one person perfectly suited for us and no one else.
Defining a soulmate is something that varies depending on who you ask. Personally, I think that a soulmate is someone that you have a deep connection and understanding with. The idea of a soulmate is that there is unconditional love and an emotional connection involved.
Are soulmates real?
The notion that soulmates are real is a contentious issue. Many presume it is just a silly belief. The idea that there is someone specifically matched to you makes it all the more ridiculous. The dubious scientific proof adds to the doubts placed on soulmates.
I believe that there are people that are perfectly suited for each other. No matter how hard you try if you are not suited for each other it is probably not going to work. Curiosity on this topic has led me to some scientific discoveries about soulmates.
In establishing a relationship, the first step should not be getting a soulmate, it should be about establishing a real connection with each other. Realism creates healthier and stronger relationships. The study “when it hurts to think, we were made for each other” proved this point whereby participants who were soulmate-y were way more negative in picking between phrases or images that suggested that love is either a one-time thing or a realistic journey.
Sometimes the soulmate factor can lead to unsatisfactory relationships. The idea that finding a soulmate means a perfect life is false and misleading. It assumes that conflicts are bad whereas they are a normal part of life.
A fundamental question about soulmates is if they are made or found. The popular belief is that they are found. The series “a good place” explores the topic of soulmates very well. It somewhat also answers the question of whether soulmates are made or found realistically.
I believe that any relationship, no matter what a great match you are needs work. Whether you find or make a soulmate establishing better relationships through navigating the dynamics of a relationship and ironing out the kinks is more important.
The danger of believing in soulmates
It is not wrong to have beliefs, but the matter of soulmates should be treated with caution. Finding that one person can go wrong. If it comes down to math, according to Schiff, it is next to impossible. You may be living in a fantasy for a long time which can leave you disillusioned.
Thinking of a partner as a soulmate, while in a relationship can cause problems. It may lead to unrealistic expectations which ultimately bring dissatisfaction to the relationship. Unrealistic expectations are a huge contributor to conflict in relationships.
A realistic outlook, believing that relationships have their ups and downs and that you need to work on the relationship for it to work, should be the fundament.
How do you know that a soulmate is real?
You may have found your soulmate, but don’t know it yet. Most people are skeptical about the existence of soulmates. Even with all the doubt out there. You must admit that it would be great to think that there is someone out for you out there. Someone who is especially matching you. Are you wondering how to know if a soulmate is real? Here are some signs that help you know if your soulmate is real.
How do you know someone is your soulmate?
1. There is mutual respect
If the person disregards your feelings or ideas and easily rights them off, it tells you that there is no respect in that relationship. A connection is forged by mutual respect. The opposite of this means that you connect with the person on a deeper level. This is one of the best indicators of a long-term and healthy relationship.
2. The balancing act
You do not have to be practically the same person. Every person is unique and it is hard to find people that are replicas of each other. Contrary soulmates are very different from each other. Having different temperaments, backgrounds, likes, and upbringing. If you can find a balance between your diverse differences, then you will truly complement each other. For example, does your love for art match their love for history? Essential is a yin and yang combination.
3. You can agree on important things
If you find that you cannot agree on the most important aspects of your relationship, they aren’t soulmates. You can disagree on less important matters like pizza toppings or what to watch on TV. But when it comes to the important things like your future and life goals, being on the same page is key.
4. Be on the same page in your life goals
We all set certain goals for ourselves and about the future. Goals are some of the most important factors in any relationship. You do not have to be in the same career or college. The fundamental thing here is being able to agree on where you want to end up. Like do you want to start a family? Do you want to buy a home? If you are on the same page in your life goals, then you are probably going to have a happier relationship.
5. Pretense aside
You will know that you have found the one if you are yourself unapologetically around them. This means that there is no judgment which probably makes you crawl back into your shell. If you can show your odd quirks, guilty pleasures and share your deepest secrets with this person and they keep loving you. This is certainly not a fling.
6. You get each other’s emotions
The love language is a whole communication by itself. It can be a deal-breaker if there is no understanding. Is your love language through verbal affirmation? Is it tactile? Understanding the emotions of the other person and how they show them shows that there is a deeper connection.
You do not have to favor the same love language, the most important thing is understanding each other’s language. It will ensure that there is the free expression of love and clear expectations of the relationship.
7. There is chemistry
Lack of chemistry makes it harder to have a happy relationship. Chemistry is easily the most common factor in finding a soulmate. Chemistry helps you keep the love alive and find approaches that work for you. It also ensures that as much as there is playfulness and closeness the necessary boundaries in the relationship are respected.
8. You feel secure in that relationship
Sometimes jealousy creeps into the relationship. It should not deter you from trusting your partner. Being soulmates does not take away problems that come with relationships. It ensures that the relationship is strong and on solid ground. Security fends off doubts and reduces anxiety in a relationship.
9. You are each other’s fans
There is nothing better than finding a person who celebrates you and makes you feel like a queen or a king. They are excited about your achievements. They turn up and show their support. They are genuinely happy that you are happy.
Soulmates should motivate a progressive attitude. They should help in showcasing the best that we can be. Perfection is an illusion. A more realistic approach would be great in creating and sustaining strong, long-lasting, and healthy relationships.
The bottom line
Finding a soulmate may not be easy, but anyone can do it. The secret is to look for signs that they are the right ones. If you’re searching for that one special person in your life that fills you with hope and joy; and brings out the best side of you, then your soulmate may be found.