One of the most significant and invaluable roles you can have in your husband’s life is to be his encourager. Men, although considered the ‘stronger’ sex, also need regular encouragement and affirmation. As they are out and about to make a career in order to provide for you and the family, they give their all – and can use a fresh refill of empowerment when they come home after a long day at work.
So here are some great ways for you to encourage and support your husband on an very day basis, as well as some ideas of how to help him when he’s down:
1. Be a team player
A team’s individual players’ effort is what makes a team great and successful – and that’s the same for any relationship. Both partners need to be actively involved in encouraging and affirming one another. This does not mean that you are not allowed to have a disagreement every now and then, or even a heated argument; important is to still respect each other in the middle of it, and to be willing to listen to the other one’s argument without interrupting. Be considerate of one another and agree to disagree …. and then try to find a healthy compromise.
Compromising can be challenging, but it will also bring you closer and make you more authentic, because life, and every successful and happy relationship, is about compromising – nobody can always get what he or she wants. Being a team player means that you share the same goal, without losing your individual identities … that you work together, steering in the same direction, and yet each of you doing it your own way.
2. Be a leader, not a follower
Don’t wait around to have your husband tell you what to do. Instead, be active in whatever way you can and show him that you’re putting as much effort into your relationship as he is. Become a leader, whatever your areas of involvement are … may that be at work, being involved with raising children, doing sports or working in your garden. Your willingness to take on a leadership role will not just fulfill you and make you proud, you will also inspire others to do better and become more active. Though your husband may be the natural ‘leader’ in a relationship, being the main financial provider, for example, it does not mean that you cannot become a leader too. Whenever you are involved with other people, there needs to be a leader.
Be an inspiration, not just for other mothers or coworkers, but also for your husband, as you keep working hard and show yourself dependable and reliable.
3. Compliment your husband on doing a great job
Make sure to regularly compliment your husband on his achievements – or maybe even just for picking some clothes off the floor in your home as he walks by. By doing so you affirm him and make him feel proud – also proud to be your husband! We all want to hear some praises every now and then – they fill us with joy and energy, and make us want to do even better.
Show your spouse that you care about him by affirming his actions … just like you can complement him on how he looks or on something nice that he may be wearing.
4. Have faith in your husband and trust him
Take time to listen to your husband, consider his words and thoughts, and trust his feelings and decisions. This does not mean that you should never disagree and want something else from what he suggests. You are both equal in this relationships and what each of you thinks should matter to the other one.
Trust is key to every good marriage – it is only when you trust each other that you can disagree or even argue without loosing respect for one another. Your assumption should be based on believing that both of you want the best for each other. So, don’t base decisions on assumptions, but communicate and ask questions, should you not understand your husband’s point of view in a situation. True love is seeing someone for who they are deep down inside, even when there are misunderstandings or you cannot agree on an issue. Have faith in one another and trust each other.
5. Show your appreciation
In a relationship it’s very important to appreciate one another – and express it. Showing appreciation is like pouring gas in a tank – it makes us feel valued, renews our energy; it makes us thrive and want to do better. Both partners should regularly take time to show their appreciation to one another, because this will keep their relationship strong and happy. There are many ways to show appreciation… with a bouquet of flowers, a dinner treat, some heartfelt compliments, a tender embrace. Have you expressed your appreciation to your husband recently?
Showing appreciation is a two-way thing, and it is very important not to become a hypocrite. For example, if you tell your husband that you feel like he doesn’t approve of you, but you give all of your own time and energy to others, you are being hypocritical. Live up to your words and be authentic. Of course, it is just as important that you don’t forget about your own needs and longings; your partner should respect and be interested in them just the same. But you are responsible for your part. So, make sure to show your husband how much he means to you, by giving him attention and small gestures of affection.
6. Always remember that love is kind – it does not envy or boast
If you love your husband, show it in ways that are constructive. Be kind and understanding, and take time to listen. Jealousy and envy should never become a big issue in a happy relationship. If your spouse has to spend more time at business meetings, for example, and may even have to be gone for lunches and dinners, don’t welcome him back with bouts of jealousy, but put your trust in him and his faithfulness to you, and show interest in him by asking about how the meetings went.
Try not to envy his personal or business successes – envy is an absolute relationship killer. Instead, try to be happy for him being able to reap the benefits of his hard work. In order to do that wholeheartedly, be sure to acknowledge your own achievements to yourself. Patience is another virtue in a good relationship, as is understanding. Doing this may not always be easy – what matters most is having the right intentions – a relationship is not about being perfect.
7. Be loving and generous of heart, especially when he feels most vulnerable
Especially during a time when your spouse may not be feeling good about himself, be loving and generous of heart. Treat him like a king and be his queen – shower him with attention and encouragement … and help him get through this difficult time, and back on his feet. Allow him to rest when he is tired or feels exhausted, and maybe pick up some extra household chores to give him a break. Treat him to his favorite cup of coffee or tea, or bake him his favorite cake. This will make him feel secure and loved and help him through his situation.
During a time like this, try not to complain about your own work or how much you have on your plate, because this would only put an additional burden on him. Try to maybe put your own difficulties aside until your spouse feels better – if need be, meet with a close friend to have someone to talk to and reflect your issues. It may also be difficult at first for your hard-working husband to even accept that he needs a break, and for him to sit down and relax with you, after he has been pushing himself so hard – but helping him to acknowledge his need for rest and creating some quality time for the both of you will go a long way in your husband regaining his strength.
8. Do not nag your husband or tell him what he needs to improve on
Men also want to feel like they are needed, as they go out and work, in order to provide for and take care of their spouse and children. Being able to do so makes them proud and believe in themselves. So be careful not to nag and criticize him all the time. This would frustrate him, create a negative atmosphere and will make your spouse feel like you don’t support him. Of course, nobody is perfect, and your spouse is not either – and at times there will be issues where you both disagree. When that happens, it is important for you to explain and defend what you believe to be right, but you don’t have to do that in a nagging way.
Nagging does not make anyone feel good and usually does not help the situation either. Instead, show your spouse what you need help with sometimes, and he will be glad to do help and feel appreciated – and needed. Take time to tell him how much it means to you that he is there for you and can help you with some things. And be sure to also let him know the things that you like and enjoy – that way, your spouse can make you happy and show you his appreciation in return.
Conclusion
By following these rules to support your spouse, you will be surprised at the results. Do not think that small things do not matter – they do, because they build up inside of you, either in a positive or negative way … and the same is true for your husband. A proverb says that you are only as happy as your least happy child – and if your husband is feeling down and out, you will feel miserable yourself, unless you take steps to make him feel like he is the most crucial person in your life. Compliment him often and make sure that his happiness is paramount to everything else in the world. It may sound silly or overly simplistic, but it is true.