8 Things to do After a Breakup to Heal Your Broken Heart

After a breakup your heart is in pieces and your emotional world is turned upside down. This is a situation that nobody wants to be in, but chin up – there are some active steps you can take to help you get over that breakup. First and foremost, allow yourself time to mourn your loss, whether this be a few days or even weeks – and then make some time for yourself, in order to heal and move on.

You may feel like rushing into another relationship, in order to numb your pain, but if you haven’t dealt with your pain you may end up choosing the wrong guy. Besides, this may only be putting a band-aid on your wounded heart. It may be better to take some time to heal first, so that you’ll be truly free of all your pain and disappointment. Fact is, after a breakup, there is no escape from heartbreak, even when it is not your fault.

After a breakup, it’s completely normal and okay to experience the following symptoms:

• unhappy thoughts and emotions

• feelings of sadness

• frustration over lost opportunities

• regret and guilt over things you did or did not do

These feelings can be hard to shake! Following are 8 things that you can do after a breakup in order to heal:

1. Give yourself time to grieve

The first thing that must happen is that you allow yourself time to grieve. Let those tears fall freely and do not feel ashamed. It is hard, but you must first let it go to heal your heart. Letting go is the only way to accept the situation, and letting go obviously means exactly that – you let go and have no more. Such a loss needs to be mourned.

This is the time to be vulnerable – open your heart, confide in a close friend and cry your heart out. Crying will relieve tension, make you feel better, and start your healing process.

2. Be grateful

Gratitude is a very powerful step toward healing your broken heart. Gratitude means deciding to be thankful for all the good things – and people – that still surround you. Take some time to think about what you can be thankful for. How about being thankful for waking up this morning? For having a job? For having friends? For being healthy? Despite the pain in your heart, decide to be thankful, and it will help you to again enjoy all the good that’s already happening. With gratitude in our hearts, there will be no lasting pain; instead, we’ll be on our way to healing and able to move on with our lives.

3. Find out who you are

One of the benefits of experiencing a broken heart is that you go back and question everything – including yourself. This is a great chance to reflect and, in the end, figure out who you are. Ask yourself: what really matters to you … what will you never tolerate again … what can you not live without? How did you end up in this relationship? What attracted you to that person? Why did you stay for so long? Finding out what makes you tick can be the most challenging part of a breakup, but it will help you make the right choices with your next partner.

Everyone has a different path to happiness, and that is why it is crucial for you to first ‘find yourself’ again, before getting involved in another relationship.

4. Catch up on your “To do for Me” list

Compose a list of things you’ve been wanting to do for yourself. Now is the time to do all the things you have always wanted to do! Once you have composed a list, take steps every day towards accomplishing these things.

Breakups not only make your heart hurt and clog your mind, they also consume all of your energy. After a breakup we may feel so hurt that we can barely function or even get out of bed. It may be very stressful and frustrating to have to go to work and try to socialize while feeling completely down.

That is why it’s so important to go inward and process that grief and regret. Take time for yourself and treat yourself to all of those things that you have been wanting to do, but have not had time for. Enjoy a day at the Spa, treat yourself to a full-body massage, splurge on coffee and donuts at your favorite coffee shop, buy some new clothes! Investing in yourself will help you feel appreciated and valued again.

5. Stop stalking your ex

It is difficult to heal from a breakup while still attempting to control the other person’s behavior and actions. It is much more beneficial for us to focus on our healing process instead of trying to control what our ex may now do or not do. 

Stop stalking your ex on social media, and stop obsessively checking his accounts for new activity. Stop following him around town or when you see him out with someone else. You are not in control – and you won’t be. Accept it and let it go.

Also, it will get you nowhere to dwell on the past. Stop talking to your friends about things the two of you used to do together, every chance you get – this will only prolong your heartache, but won’t bring him back.

6. Create a rite of passage for yourself

A rite of passage describes a ceremony or an event marking an important stage in someone’s life, like birth, or the transition from childhood to adulthood. It marks the passage from one social status to another and reflects a major adjustment. Is this not exactly what is happening to you right now?

All rights of passage have three distinct characteristics: separation, transition and return. You have already experienced the separation, are currently going through the transitioning time, and will soon be able to ‘return’ to society with full strength. Create your own rite of passage and celebrate closing this one chapter in your life and opening up a new one. It’s completely up to you how to celebrate this special time of transition – you can do something very simple just by yourself, or invite your friends and make it more official.

7. Shake up your routine

After a breakup it may be very helpful to ‘shake up’ your daily routine. Staying with your old routine might continue to bring up those painful memories of your past. Changing your routine, on the other hand, or even starting a new one, will flood your mind with new impressions and keep you occupied.

Do something new! Start a new hobby, or maybe two. Start going to new restaurants, coffee shops and bars, in order to meet new people. Another option is to start doing things differently. Find some new ways on how to do your every day life a little different – for example, start going to the gym, to the laundry mat or grocery shopping on a different day. Whatever you can come up with, shake up your daily routine and enjoy everything new coming your way.

8. Give yourself a makeover

After a breakup, do any of these things to feel good about yourself:

• Get a haircut: get rid of that look that you’d thought he loved so much. Look at all options of creating the ‘new you’ and then dare to try it. Very likely, after leaving the hair stylist with a totally different look, you may find yourself much more attractive.

• Stop wearing his shirt: for most girls, their partner’s shirt is their connection – they feel close to him when they are wearing it, and feel distant when they are not. After a breakup, be sure to remove that shirt from your closet immediately. Dumping it may be painful at first, but not ever seeing it again will definitely help you to get over him faster.

• Reinvent yourself. What have you never dared to do? What have you never had the time to do? What have you never had the money to do? The time after a breakup is the perfect time to take an inventory and reinvent yourself. Anything goes that does you good!

• Dress like a girl going through a heartbreak: stop wearing your guy’s jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies, and dump them all in favor of more fierce and fashionable ones. Dump all that stuff, then pick up your best girl-friend, go on a shopping spree – and treat yourself to some cool new clothes.

• Stop wasting your time over him: Do not waste any more of your time thinking about him, wondering what he might be doing right now, or how much you loved him. He is not worth it … and you will just be stuck, as long as you allow him to occupy your mind.

• Create a new music list: do not allow any music to hold you back from moving on. The best thing you can do for yourself to get over the past is to delete all songs on Spotify or iTunes that remind you of your relationship with him. Then take some time to find exciting new songs and create new folders that represent who you want to become.

• Don’t be home alone: ask your family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to join you for brunches, lunches and dinners, or invite them to visit you at home. Call all of your girl-friends and start going out regularly. Anything to not be stuck at home feeling miserable. Being out and about gets your mind off of him.

• Re-decorate your apartment: after your breakup, there may be too many reminders of him in your apartment. So, instead of wasting your time by sitting on the couch and mourning your loss, take this time to – at least partially – remodel your place! Go and pick out some new colors for your walls – you’ll be amazed what a new and different coat of color will do to your place – and your mindset.

Final thoughts on how to heal your broken heart 

During this most vulnerable of times, you may need some help, either from your friends and family – or maybe even from a trained professional. If you feel like your pain runs deeper than you can handle it, or if the negatives seem to outweigh the positives, making you feel depressed, do not be afraid to reach out. You do not need to be alone in such a situation.

Most importantly, do not let your failed relationship dictate the rest of your life. Take time to cry, be angry, and go through the motions, then move on to a healing process. Time keeps on ticking, and time will heal your wounded heart.