How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship

Jealousy is a normal human emotion that can have either good or bad effects on your relationships. If you feel jealous in a relationship, it is essential to put in some work to overcome this feeling.

It is crucial to identify what triggers jealousy for you and then find ways of moving past those triggers. Common causes of jealousy are insecurity, suspicion, fear of replacement by someone else, or fear that your partner may grow tired of you and cheat on you with someone else. The important thing is not what causes the problem but how we deal with it when it arises.

Underlying causes

Jealousy is a sign that you feel insecure or inadequate and worry about what others might think of you. Jealousy would not be an issue if we were confident about ourselves, our relationships, and our partners. Sometimes jealousy can also be a way to control your partner and prevent them from betraying you. But if this is the case, it usually ends up making things worse and upsetting your partner.

The bottom line is that jealousy is simply one of the many situations that we experience as human beings where we react by trying to control things or other people to feel better or secure in some way. We feel jealous because of insecurity or doubt in ourselves or others.

Solutions

There are ways to overcome jealousy in a relationship, but the key is to look at the underlying cause of the problem.

If you are jealous because you are worried about another person replacing you, then you will be best to work on your self-esteem and confidence. If you are concerned that someone else might be getting too close or dominating your partner, then work on improving your relationship with them and finding out what they need from you.

Work on improving relationships with partners, family members, and friends to strengthen your social support system and make them less threatening.

Here are the 12 steps needed to overcome jealousy in a relationship:

1. Identify any reasons you feel jealous or insecure and work out why you are feeling this way

2. See if there is any justification for how you feel

If they do not, then do something to change them anyway, so you can put your own needs first. Otherwise, the jealousy will be like a throwing net that catches you in the other person’s grip. If you justify your feelings, then see what steps you can take to change these feelings. But understand that if these feelings do not change, they will always have the same effect on your relationships with partners and family members if they continue to produce the same feelings within you.

3. Be honest about jealousy’s impact

Jealousy is a bad habit that we all tend to fall into at times, and it can be hard to overcome. If you are experiencing jealousy, you should talk about it with both your partner and family or friends so they know how you feel and can help if they can do anything. Do not try to hide from your feelings or pretend they do not exist. It will be harder to overcome them if you do this.

4. Do not blame others or try to make them feel guilty.

Avoid blaming others for your problems. You may feel better if you think that certain people have a good time while you are not. But try not to let this lead to feelings of envy, jealousy, or resentment within you. Being jealous over someone else’s relationship or some other issue in their life does not make you a bad person.

5. Do not blame yourself either

Do not think of yourself as a failure because of jealousy or any other situation in your life that is not working out the way you hope it will. You are fine and have nothing for you to feel wrong. The important thing is to identify whatever may be making you feel jealous and work to find ways of dealing with these issues, so you do not have them in the future or at least less often when they occur.

6. Put yourself first and ensure that your partner is not intruding into your space

If we accept our feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, we can be confident and secure about ourselves and our relationships. By putting ourselves first, we can give ourselves the security and self-esteem that we need to feel loved by others, enabling us to put them first when they need support.

7. Ask what your jealousy is telling you 

Jealousy often takes place because there is an area we need to improve within ourselves, which causes us to take control of other people and get jealous when they are close to us without meeting our needs. Jealousy often happens because we have low self-esteem or are insecure. By acknowledging this, you can improve yourself not to feel uncertain or insecure when in relationships.

List your insecurities. Think about some things you like about yourself, your partner, your relationships, and other people in your life, and list these on a piece of paper. If you do not have anything to write down, then think about why you do or do not like something about what is happening to you.

8. Notice when jealousy starts to take hold within you

We usually feel jealous when we feel that someone else is gaining control over us and damaging our self-esteem or the way we feel inside by being close or sharing importance with us or demanding special treatment.

9. Ask yourself why you feel jealous if it is not justified?

People with unjustified jealousy should stop blaming other people for what they feel inside or think about why they might feel this way. Your jealousy may reflect your fears and insecurities.

10. Think about the other person’s feelings 

Think about what the other person wants and needs, how they feel, and what they want to do. Accept that you cannot control them all the time or force them to behave, how you want them to without respecting their wishes and without being hypocritical. You might have things in common with them, but remember that they are independent too, and have feelings, desires, and goals that may not include having any connection or relationship with you if this is not what they want.

11. Build healthy coping skills 

Recognize that there are things you can do or achieve that can make you feel better inside. We can control many things in life and get better if we put effort into it. Do not think about your relationships all the time; instead, focus on other things in your life. Ask yourself what you want to do with your future and think about getting it. If you have a hobby, then maintain it; otherwise, start one.

We usually feel jealous when we feel that someone else is gaining control over us and damaging our self-esteem or the way we feel inside by being close or sharing importance with us or demanding special treatment.

12. Be honest with your partner

Admit to them that you are jealous of their relationship with other people. The best way to prevent jealousy is not through hiding or denying your feelings but by opening up and being honest. Once you identify the cause for the jealousy, you can try to find ways to avoid or confront that feeling.

13. Deal with past baggage

If you have been in a situation where your partner was unfaithful before, it is bound to affect how you feel about relationships now. Talk openly about past experiences and let go of any anger or disappointments. Address these feelings so that they do not resurface down the line.

The Bottom Line

Self-confidence is the root of success. A person must love every bit of themselves before accepting love from another person. Confidence radiates in every aspect of our lives. Work on your self-confidence to overcome jealousy. Sometimes jealousy roots in our insecurity, which detriment life and relationships.