20+ Questions to Ask Your Spouse To Strengthen Your Marriage
20+ fun questions to ask your spouse
It is time to step up your relationship with your spouse and spice things over the dinner table. Whether you are looking for a way to get a conversation started or an easy way to learn more about each other, these 20 questions can help.
Some are lighthearted and silly, while others are deep in thought. If you have not been talking much lately, use these questions to help you learn more about each other’s likes, dislikes, and dreams for the future.
Relationships grow stale when people stop communicating. This sentiment is especially true in long-term or even short-term relationships. Couples have gotten too comfortable and stopped trying, even though they love each other very much. That is why it’s essential to take steps to keep your relationship fresh by talking and learning more about each other regularly.
1. How do you want to spend your golden years?
Relationships change when people have kids and switch to caretaking mode. Many couples stop dreaming about retirement and brood about how they will pay for college. They have not even had time to explore what they want their golden years to look like because they have been too busy providing for their families.
If you are nearing retirement or already retired, take a moment tonight before bed to share your thoughts on how you see yourself when the kids are adults and out of the house.
2. What are some things that would surprise people about you?
Many spouses know each other so well that they expect the unexpected. You know the routine: they get ready for work in the morning, leave for work, and return home at night each day. The same thing happens at night when they shower, sleep, and repeat, only now you are starting to repeat arguments.
Step outside of your comfortable day-to-day life by asking questions and learning more about each other. Learn what makes your spouse giggle or blush. Discover hidden talents or skills that have not yet come out in previous conversations.
3. If you could pick one person to be stranded with, who would it be?
If your partner comes up with the perfect answer, do not assume that it is their idea of a dream date. Perhaps their choice will help you understand their values more deeply. Maybe your answer will reveal the attraction between each other. Either way, one day in the future, you would better hope that this hypothetical question will not become a reality!
4. If there was an Olympic competition in _______, what would your event be?
Find out if they are athletic or adept at any skills that can lead to winning a gold medal on national television. Maybe they are a budding chef or a Jedi Master. No matter how good their answer is, you will love every minute of watching them participate in this imaginary Olympic competition.
5. Why do you think that we have been able to make it this far in our relationship?
Many people have hope and optimism in the early stages of relationships because they feel like they have just met their soulmate. However, the honeymoon phase fades, and people start to settle into a routine. When things seem dull and uninteresting, couples stop looking for new ways to spice up their lives together.
If you genuinely feel like you have found your soulmate, ask why the relationship has lasted this long. You will probably say that this person has been blessed with good fortune if married. But maybe something else keeps this relationship alive: perhaps the two of you complement each other and enable each other to grow as individuals?
6. What is a dream goal for you?
When people get comfortable, they start taking their relationship for granted and stop dreaming about how they can make it better. One of the first things couples will notice when they start talking more is that each person has a dream goal for their life together.
This question might help you realize what is important to you in life and help you keep it in mind when things get tough. Perhaps your dream goal is simple: that you and your spouse can retire early. Or maybe it is a BIG dream that you plan to achieve over the next decade: raising kids, traveling the world, being a rock star, or training for the Olympics.
7. What is something about you that makes people think twice before they meet you?
Many people’s first impression of others is on their physical appearance and overall demeanor. However, there are often other things about them that most people do not recognize until they spend time with them.
When you ask this question, do not expect them to tell you what others think of their outdated hairstyle or religious beliefs. This situation presents an excellent opportunity to learn what your spouse is passionate about and why it makes others think twice. At the same time, it is also an opportunity for you to see if they can look past their initial thoughts of others — the ones they had based on appearance.
8. What advice would you give your younger self?
Couples who are in love share advice often. However, it is hard for one person to know exactly how much weight to put into another person’s opinion on life.
Instead of the advice you would give to a younger version of yourself, ask them what direction they would give to their younger self. It is great to realize how far you had come from when you were younger and how wise you are. However, it is also good to remember that each person has a different plan in life. Maybe they grew up in another part of the country, had different experiences, or did things differently than their current spouse.
9. What was the last fight you had?
There is nothing nicer than hearing that two people do not fight. When two people can put aside their differences and focus on making their relationship better, this is usually a sign of something good going on in their marriage.
You could start by asking what the fight was about, but try to keep it a little more general for now so your spouse does not feel like they must defend themselves. You may want to ask if they would ever consider going to counseling or counseling together, especially since sometimes couples’ fights indicate deeper problems/issues.
10. What were you thinking when we met?
If you are married, this is likely impossible to answer. However, if your spouse is in a long-distance relationship or dating someone new, it can be fun to hear what they thought when they first meet their date:
Were they attracted initially, and did they try to keep it a secret for a while?
Did they feel like she was playing catch up and did not know how to fill her time?
Or even something more severe like “This is it. I have finally found my soulmate.”
11. What are you looking forward to in the future?
This question can be challenging, especially if you are already married. One of my friends is in a long-distance relationship right now, and she calls her boyfriend every day for 30 minutes. When she asked him what he was looking forward to in the future, he struggled to think of a response because the only thing on his mind was getting back and spending time with her.
If your spouse is struggling to answer, it may be because there is not much coming up for them. It could also be that they do not want to tell you about it since they do not know how you will react or feel about it.
12. Am I likely to get intimacy this year?
This one can be tough because layoffs can happen for various reasons, so you may not know what is going on until right before it happens. But when this comes up in your mind, it does feel like it could happen any day. So, the only answer that matters is: “No, I don’t believe we’re getting laid off.”
13. How many people on my friend’s list will vote for me (if expected)?
When you are running for office or trying to gain more friends on social media, you hope that more of your friends will want to vote for you than will not. This question is an easy decision because you need all the support from your friends.
14. Do you think we will ever retire together?
If retirement is essential to both of you, then it’s worth asking this question so that you can know if it’s something they take seriously. You may also like to check if retirement is a term that your spouse uses loosely and if it is simply something that they have thought about in passing.
15. How do you want to die?
This question is a tough one to ask, but it may be worth it if this is something that they have been thinking about and talking about with close friends or family members. It could give you insight into their desires for the future and their motivations for life goals and dreams.
16. What is one thing you want your children to remember most about you?
You may think you know what makes your spouse tick, but by asking this question, you could find out what they want the world to know about them — even after death! In some cultures, this question can be rude or forward. But if your spouse is not religious, this question should be okay because it is a great way to learn more about them and understand how you relate to them.
17. What is something you are currently struggling with?
At the end of a long day, we often forget that our spouse may also be in pain, whether it is physical or emotional. If you have been so busy living your life that you have forgotten that your spouse is human and has feelings like everyone else, ask this question to remind you that their thoughts and feelings matter. We cannot make them not hurt if we do not know about it.
18. What do you want for me?
This question is one of those relationship questions that can start many fights because people think that not getting what they want means that their partner does not love them enough or does not care about them anymore. However, it is not about that. It is about helping your spouse feel like you are seriously listening to them when they want something from you.
For those who do not know what the answer to this question is, it could be a candid moment where you both end up agreeing that you need some time apart from each other because there is no longer any question of “what do I want for him/her.”
19. What’s your idea of a perfect vacation?
When you ask this question, your spouse may have a great answer that will help you get away from it all. At the very least, you can find out what they like to do and use this information as a starting point for your next vacation together! Sometimes, it is good to step back and think about our lives beyond our daily grind.
20. What is your favorite thing to do when we get together?
This question is one of those opportunities to see how you compare to most couples. If they have something that they consider their favorite, this could be a great conversation starter for you if that is what you both love. It could also reveal some problems in your relationship so you can mend them for good.
21. Have you ever wanted something and did not pursue it?
Like the previous question, it might not be that they never pursued their dream because they did not want it. Instead, it is just something else that came up in life, and they have a strong desire for but cannot compromise on currently.
22. What are the three things you are most thankful for?
This question is a great way to learn more about a spouse’s beliefs and goals in life. It is also a great way to see if they can clearly define the essential things in life.
23. Where do you want your children to grow up?
This topic is one of those questions that can start some severe fighting, but if you are not religious, it should be okay if you are not forcing an opinion on them and are not trying to change your views on religion.
24. What was the most amazing thing you ever saw?
Each person has the potential to witness some amazing things in their lifetime. For some, it is a natural wonder. For others, it is a person or animal. Unfortunately, we do not always take the time to appreciate those things, and this question can open both of your eyes to the idea that each of you has seen and done marvelous things!
The bottom Line
These questions should bring up some interesting and potentially embarrassing answers, but realize that they probably ask you the same type of questions.
Some couples rely on communication as a form of intimacy, so communication is vital for any healthy relationship. You need to make sure that your communication lines are open and transparent enough so that no one feels like they must hide something from the other person, no matter how uncomfortable it might make them think. Asking questions can be an excellent tool for severe relationships and personal growth.
