10 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

As the years go by, it seems like marriage gets down to deciding on who takes care of what, regarding the daily nitty-gritty stuff of life. Your most important points of discussion seem be in regards to taking care of the home, the car and your children. And somehow, in the midst of all of this, the spark between the two of you seems to have faded.

If you have realized that something’s been missing between you and your partner, and you are looking for ways to strengthen your marriage, here are 10 tips to help you strengthen your marriage. To reach that goal will take some time and effort from both of you, but it will be well worth the effort.

1. Try to discuss instead of arguing

The difference between an argument and a discussion is that an argument is all about who is right, whereas a discussion is about what is right. Two people can probably talk about anything, if they know how to respectfully talk to one another.

An argument is basically a heated discussion, where one or both partners are taking things personally and ‘shooting words back and forth’ to prove their point, without really listening to each other – or even trying to understand their partner. Whoever has the last word, wins – and leaves the other one behind feeling like a looser. That’s not a good feeling to have to live with.

Instead or arguing and getting your emotions involved, try to discuss things as a matter of fact, each of you taking turns in talking and listening. When discussing an issue, make an effort to first listen to your partner’s points and give some thought to the meaning of his words before you answer. Discussions are wonderful because there is always something we can learn from hearing and contemplating our partner’s point of view. Almost always, there are two sides to the coin, and it’s beneficial to look at both sides before making a decision.

2. Speak words of affirmation

There is probably nothing more uplifting for your partner – or you – than to hear words of affirmation. Words of affirmation communicate love, appreciation and respect. Fill up your partner’s love tank again by telling him how much you enjoy his company; thank him for being such a good listener. Compliment him on his achievements – however small they may be. Tell him how much you value his taking care of you, and thank him for allowing you to be yourself and believing in you. The spoken word is powerful – it can lift us up and it can tear us down. By speaking words of encouragement you lift each other up; it’s a wonderful way to strengthen your relationship.

3. Share emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy in a relationship is described as a feeling of being close to your partner, being emotionally connected and feeling supported. Intimacy allows both of you to honestly share your thoughts, feelings and experiences – especially things that you may not share with anyone else. It’s that feeling of complete trust in one another, knowing that your partner would never do anything to hurt you, but is always looking out for your happiness.

Emotional intimacy allows you to confide in your partner and tell him about your deepest secrets. In this state of complete mutual trust, there is no more need to hide anything from each other. Intimate communication always involves you, your partner, and a feeling. Expressing a feeling is always a risk, because you have no idea how your partner might react. It’s totally different from talking about facts, because feelings are something so personal. Make sure to include emotional communication in your partnership, saying things like “I really care about you” and “I really appreciate you.”

4. Accept your differences

Each of us is uniquely individual, also in regards to how we go about doing things. You may be really fast in getting things done, and your husband may be very slow – or vice versa. Who is to says which is better? Do not judge your partner for doing things differently and do not judge his timing. You may only need 10 minutes to prepare breakfast and he may need thirty.

Unless time is of the essence and you are in a hurry to get somewhere, the only thing that matters is that the task gets done. You may make breakfast your most important meal of the day, whereas your husband can only drink coffee in the morning. So what? Try to accept your differences and take turns in compromising. Feeling accepted is probably the most important ingredient in any happy relationship.

5. Take time to say Hello and Goodbye

When your husband comes home from work, drop whatever you are doing, meet him at the door and welcome him home. By taking the time to greet him you make him feel appreciated and loved. When he leaves the house in the morning, make sure you give him a hug, kiss him goodbye and wish him a good day. Make an effort to say Hello and Goodbye to each other in a way that lets you both know how important you are to one another.

6. Don’t take each other for granted

Do not take each other for granted, even when you have been together for a long time. Take time to appreciate one another and express that appreciation. It will keep your relationship alive and happy, because both of you will feel valued and important. Fact is, you never know how much longer you will have each other. And you cannot know how much longer you will be healthy enough to do all the things together that you are doing right now. Tomorrow is not promised to us. All we have is today, so make today a day of appreciation.

7. Laugh together, and laugh together often

Laughter is the best medicine, it says in Proverbs 17:22 of The Bible – it must be true, because is has been scientifically proven that laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells. Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, which promote an overall sense of well-being. Laughter improves your mood, releases feelings of fear and anxiety, makes not just you, but everyone feel better and creates a positive atmosphere.

Really, when you look at it, life is a funny thing, especially with its little imperfections. For example, you can get mad about accidentally spilling that orange juice, or you can just accept it and decide to laugh about it. Your reaction won’t change the facts of the situation, but it will help you to deal with is better. Being able to laugh is a wonderfully freeing thing, and being able to laugh together is always a time of bonding.

8. Enjoy regular moments of intimacy

No matter how long the two of you have been together, there is nothing more costly than to be able to enjoy moments of intimacy with your partner. The touch of his hand, the kiss of his lips, feeling him snuggling up to you, exploring each other’s bodies, enjoying each other’s nakedness, caressing each other and finally becoming one … how amazingly wonderful we were made – and made for each other!

There will be no other person to enjoy such complete intimacy with than your partner. That intimate moment of completely letting go, not thinking about anything, as you trust and physically enjoy each other, is so powerful, because it seems to reassure you that everything is going to be okay. As the two of you become one in the flesh, you have also united again in your spirits and souls.

9. Surprise each other

Why do we like little surprises? Probably because so much in life is already planned and predictable. That’s also true for a relationship, especially when you have been married for many years. You know your partner’s habits and schedule, and he knows yours. Every day life sure can get boring – also within a relationship. So, take some time and think about how you could surprise your husband.

Think about what he likes and enjoys. Would he enjoy you bringing him his cup of coffee to enjoy in bed, before even getting up? Does he loves back rubs? Any special dinner you know is his favorite? Any concert coming up that he would love to see but doesn’t want to spend money on? Surprise him with two tickets. Do something unexpected that will surprise him and make him happy. Surprising each other with little things will definitely perk up your relationship.

10. Be honest – with yourself and your partner

It’s never too late to be honest with yourself – and your partner. Being honest is so important, because without honesty there can be no trust – and being able to trust each other is the prerequisite of any healthy and happy relationship. Being honest with your partner is especially important as, over time, your personal needs and longings change.

Should you need more time to yourself, as you get older, tell your partner. If you want your own bed-room, because he always read longer at night than you do, and you are not able to fall asleep with the light still on, talk to him about it. If he said something that hurt you, tell him – even if that situation is already two weeks old. Being honest takes courage – especially being honest with yourself. If everything you do is just to please your partner, take some time to re-evaluate your own needs and feelings, because unless you can love yourself, you cannot really love anyone else.

Conclusion

The best way to strengthen your marriage is to first take a step back and try to take an honest look at why your relationship might have lost its spark. Then talk to one another. Both of you should be involved in wanting to strengthen your marriage. Find ways to show your love to one another; get creative in surprising each other with little gifts or a special dinner; start hugging and kissing again. Remember why you married, and what it is that you value in each other. Spend quality time together and laugh often.