11 Ways on How to Get Over a Breakup
Many of us have experienced a breakup at least once in our lives, and it leaves us unhappy and void of any energy – not just because it take time to heal and get over that person, but also because we have to go back to square one and start all over again in finding another suitable partner.
There are many reasons for couples to break up; sometimes it’s because they don’t have enough in common, sometimes it’s because the spark fizzled out and there are no more romantic feelings left, and sometimes it’s because one partner cheated on the other.
Breakups are painful, especially for the one who was left behind. It is usually a period of time when you feel all teared up inside and don’t want to be seen or go out with other people – and you may even be hurting too much to take care of yourself. Getting over a break up is never easy, but following are some tips to help you along the way.
Getting Over a Breakup
The first step in getting over a breakup is to embrace and accept the fact that the relationship you were in is now over and has ended permanently. Even if you still love your ex, even if they are still in love with you … that does not matter now. If it is over, it is over. The next most important question is how to survive this time and go on.
There not this one single thing you can do to get over a breakup; instead it’s many little things, taken one step at a time. The first one of these steps, sometimes referred to as “Creative Destruction,” may may be of help, if you’re about to breakup:
What is Creative Destruction?
Creative Destruction is a term widely used in the business world and refers to deciding to try something new, hereby accepting the destruction of the old in the process, with the ultimate goal of improvement or gain. In the context of breakups, it means that once you realize that the relationship you currently have with a person will not survive, you decide to go through the pain of separation, in order to be able to go on with life – and find a better partner. Looking at a breakup that way can help you get over that failed relationship by shifting your focus on your next partner, and a – hopefully – better future.
Once you haven broken up with your partner – or vice versa – the most important thing to realize – and best way to get over a breakup faster – is to accept how you feel and let go of the relationship, mentally and emotionally. Following are some tips to help you get over that breakup.
1. Know that being heartbroken is okay
It is normal to feel just terrible after a breakup, especially if it was unexpected, or you had been with that special someone for a long time and shared a lot. Know that feeling heartbroken is completely normal – it does not make you less of a person or mean that there is something wrong with you. Your hopes were crushed and your feelings hurt, and it’s totally okay to be affected by what you are going through, by showing emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness, and disappointment.
2. Accept that it is over
In order to move on, you need to accept that the relationship is over. You may feel like someone has torn out your heart – such a deep wound will take time to heal. However, your heart can only begin with the healing process after you have come to a point of complete acceptance. Acceptance is the willingness to let go of the familiar. Acceptance is also a decision. Your feeling will eventually line up with the decisions you have made.
3. Give yourself time for the breakup to occur
When you feel that there is no future possible with that person, be patient and give yourself enough time to make that breakup happen. Take time to reflect and think about your decision. What are the reasons why you want to break up? Are these enough reasons to break up? Is there any chance for change? How will your partner feel about that breakup and how will he react? Are there potential complications when you breakup, and how can they be solved? Once you have been able to answer all these questions and realize that there really seems to be no future with that person, it’s probably the right time to break up.
4. Get busy
As soon as the relationship is over, you should get active! Think about something else to focus on and get busy with – because if you don’t, you may get depressed for a little while. Once the breakup has happened, try not to dwell on the lost relationship, but look for other interesting, challenging, and fun things to do. Start a new hobby that will get you out of the house, meet with friends on a regular basis, join a fitness club and work out as many times a week as it takes, in order to get your frustrations out. Whatever it takes to keep your mind preoccupied and off of your situation.
5. Avoid talking about it, except with a close friend
It may be important to you to talk about what has happened, in order to not feel alone. Just make sure that you talk to someone whom you can trust and confide in, like a close friend or family member. What you need now is a great listener, and someone who will be able to relate to your situation and understand you. However, to talk about your failed relationship all the time will keep you focused on the failure – and keep you miserable for a long time. If you start to obsess about what all went wrong, your healing process will take much longer … and likely be more difficult.
6. Decide to think of positive things
If you keep dwelling on the negative things that happened during your relationship, it will cause you to feel even more depressed and frustrated. If you constantly think about how much of a jerk he was for breaking up with you, it will make it very hard for you to move on and forget about him. Decide to think of positive things that are happening in your life right now. This could be a new job, a vacation coming up, or anything else that makes you happy, even if it is something small. Focus on your personal accomplishments; make a list of everything positive in your life.
7. Get involved in things that help you heal and move on from your broken heart
If you’re not able to keep your focus on something positive and get through this on your own, think about attending a meditation class. There are many classes offered, even online, and they can help you find your way back to inner peace and strength. Another very accepted and effective support when going through a separation is to see a professional counselor. Whether you have short-term problems that need navigating or have been feeling anxious, angry or depressed for a longer period of time after the breakup, supportive psychotherapy can help build your self-esteem, reduce anxiety, strengthen your coping mechanisms, and improve your social and community functioning. Don’t be too ashamed to seek professional help. Be selfish and think of your own needs right now.
8. Cry and let it all out
Expect to be sad! And there is nothing wrong with crying – in fact, it’s very important. Permit yourself to let it all out. You may cry, or even sob uncontrollably, for however long and often you need to. Find a peaceful place to cry. Crying relieves pressure. Do not keep your feelings bottled up inside, this will only lead to you getting depressed. Bottled up emotions like anger and grief are two of the main causes for depression, and depression is a serious illness, which should not be taken lightly. So, let those tears flow freely… it’s okay and healing.
9. Embrace that new chapter in your life
As sad and trying as it will be, living through and getting over a broken relationship is a learning experience that will make you stronger and wiser. If you can let go of the old and embrace this new chapter in your life, you’re on the right track. The one good thing we can take away from any bad experience is that we can learn from it – and learning is what makes us into who we are. Even if it’s only to know what you definitely don’t want in a relationship. Or, to say it in a more positive way, to learn what you will definitely not do without in your next one.
10. Do not let your ex continue to control of your life
If control was an issue in your relationship – or the reason for the breakup, be sure to avoid contact. If your partner tried to control you when you were together, he won’t want to stop now. It’s important to guard yourself by not contacting him, especially right after the breakup. Give him time to accept the situation. Should you still have questions in regards to some practical matters, try to wait a few days – or better weeks – before contacting him. If you are coming out of a relationship where you were controlled, it is utterly important for you to take time to find yourself again.
11 Love yourself
Healing from a breakup takes time. Regaining your self-love is the best thing you can do, especially if you were the one left behind. If you want to heal and move on, then now is the time for self-care and self-reflection.
Probably the best self-healing remedy is to take care of your body and mind. Treat yourself to massages, facials, manicures, spa visits – whatever makes you feel good! And treat your mind by writing down everything that you like about yourself … all the things you have accomplished … all the things you love to do and enjoy! Doing these things is an amazing way to start feeling better.
As with everything else in life, healing – and learning to love yourself again – is a process and does not happen overnight. For right now, it’s about taking one tiny step at a time and making sure you keep on moving in the right direction. Once you again start putting yourself first, your world will turn upside down for the better. Your positive attitude towards yourself and everything around you will make it easier to overcome a breakup.
Final thoughts
A breakup is tough, and there is no one right way to get over someone. It takes time, and you must find your own way of dealing with it. One thing is for sure, though, as hard as it may be, you will get through it!
