How to Enjoy a Happy Marriage: Keys to a Successful Marriage

A happy marriage is about finding the right partner and ensuring that you can provide each other with the love and support you need. First and foremost, you want to find the right match! Does that special someone share your ideas about life? Your values? Your beliefs? You and your spouse need to have enough common ground, in order to withstand life’s trials, and to make your relationship last.

And even after you have found that ‘Mr. Right’, making a marriage work is exactly what it says – work. And in order to make a marriage work, it is important to understand that love is a verb, a very active thing and means much more than infatuation. Saying that you ‘love’ someone should mean that you have decided to respect and accept them, to encourage and support them, and to always be there for them – through the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. In any long-lasting and happy relationship, these ‘action verbs’ called love are happening … and happening on a day-to-day basis.

Following are some keys to making your marriage successful:

Bonding

Part of having a happy marriage is learning how to bond emotionally. It is something unachievable through material things, such as expensive presents or vacations. Close interaction with your partner and honestly sharing every part of your life is the only way to bond. In order to bond. You should be willing to share everything with one another … from the details of your daily life, including all the little frustrations and joys, to life-long struggles or childhood trauma. Be honest and don’t hold anything back; a true relationship has no place for secrets. Honesty is the key to bonding, because honesty is the key to trusting one another.

Taking time to emotionally bond will create a stronger connection between you and your partner. It will also ensure that your partner is more aware of what may cause you stress or frustration. It will allow them to be there for you and provide support when you need it.

Communication

The next – and probably most important – key to having a happy and long-lasting marriage is learning how to communicate with your partner. Communication should start as early on as the first date, when you are just getting to know each other, and should continue all throughout your relationship. Though communicating may be difficult sometimes – or at all times – especially when one of you is stressed or frustrated, strive for total honesty and always keep an open mind to learning a new perspective on things.

Take time to sit down and talk to your spouse – about anything and everything – and do so on a regular basis. It’s very important to listen to your partner’s opinions and ideas, no matter how trivial they may seem to you. As you share with each other – and this point cannot be emphasized enough – it is vital to be honest with your partner, so that you can address and sort out any potential problems, so that these issues don’t get out of hand.

Keeping up good communication skills will ensure a happy marriage. You may even get – or be able to give – some great advice from your spouse on improving your relationship and future happiness with one another. And, remember that, whenever you are having a bad day, someone will be there for you – and cares enough about you to want to listen.

Making time for you two as a couple

It is easy to lose the romance factor once the daily struggle with work and other responsibilities set in. Keep the flame alive in your marriage by planning special dates – whether you go out and treat your partner to a special movie or dinner, or stay at home and prepare a festive meal. It does not matter where, but try to plan regular special dates just for the two of you. Maybe the two of you can take turns in planning a weekly special date. And be sure to get a babysitter or send your kids on a play date, so that there will be no interruption while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other’s company.

Staying in love means to continue to be interested in and enjoy one another. A relationship does not have to become boring and void of joy and laughter. Plan fun activities, based on each other’s interests, and enjoy your time together. Even simple things like going for a walk or having a conversation over a cup of coffee will do the trick – it’s all about making some time just for the two of you.

Do not ever expect your spouse to be able to read your mind

Don’t think that your spouse automatically knows what is on your mind, or how you feel about something – no matter how long you have been married or living with someone. If there is something that you want from the relationship, let it be known. For example, if you need a little more attention from your husband at night before going to bed, tell him so. Whatever the issue, your partner won’t be able to know and do something about it, unless you tell him. Keeping your expectations – and frustrations – to yourself will make both of you miserable and damage your relationship. You can only change what you know about, and the same is true for your partner.

 Understand that it is OK to disagree, as you trust one another

Marriage is just as much about finding agreement between the spouses as it is about understanding and honoring each other’s differences. Here is how you can learn to ‘agree to disagree’:

• listen to each other’s points of view, and be fair and respectful whenever you disagree. Try not to get angry or frustrated – and walk away if you need to cool off, before an argument escalates. You can always sit back down together later
• you should both be willing to compromise, it’s the only way to make a marriage work
• building trust is crucial for whenever you disagree on something

According to author John Gottman, professor of psychology at the University of Washington and noted marriage researcher, a good marriage depends on mutual trust, a shared vision, and a “focus on the future” rather than the past.

Extending trust to your partner means that you are willing to give him a chance and are expecting good things to happen. Distrust, on the other hand, questions the partner’s motifs from the very beginning, and needs constant proof of your faithfulness and commitment to the relationship. A happy relationship is only possible when there is trust among both partners. And it is only when you can trust each other, that you can agree to disagree.

Learning to forgive is key to any happy marriage

In the beginning of a relationship, partners idealize one another and overlook each other’s faults. But as time goes on, the flaws become more apparent. If a marriage is to last, both partners must learn to forgive each other’s foibles, weaknesses and indiscretions.

“There is a very fine line between overlooking and forgiving,” says Dr. John Gottman. “Forgiving your partner is the key to happiness in marriage because it makes it possible to again trust in your spouse.” Overlooking your partner’s faults, on the other hand, may be possible to some extent, but ultimately frustrate you so much that you won’t be able to live with it anymore. You will likely want to end the relationship … unless you are willing to address it and able to find a solution with your partner, which usually includes the need for forgiveness. Overlooking basically means that you keep it inside, where it is bound to build up over time – and might explode one day. To address issues – and decide to forgive – are two key ingredients in a happy marriage.

Deciding to forgive someone is not easy, but it is a decision. It may help you to realize that all of us, at some point or another, stand in need of forgiveness. The good news is that, once you decide to forgive your spouse for whatever he did to upset you, your feelings will follow and line up with your decision. Of course, the emotional healing process after deciding on – and speaking out – forgiveness, takes time. It also takes both of you to be equally committed when wanting to making your marriage work. Research shows that happily married couples have learned to forgive one another and establish a climate of trust, which in turn gets them through those times of frustration or misunderstanding.

What will not work is if your partner say he’s sorry, but keeps on doing the same thing. True remorse must bring about change, or it is not real. Hurting you and saying he’s sorry, then continuing to hurt you, is like him kicking you against your shin, apologizing, and then continuing to kick against your chin. Your shin will be break at some point! In a situation like this, your partner may need some additional counseling to help him with underlying issues.

Final thoughts on having a happy marriage

Enjoying a happy marriage is possible for any couple willing to put in the effort. Communication, trust, and learning to forgive your partner are some of the essentials in making a marriage successful. But what if you have tried all of this, and it did not work?

Separation and divorce are the only other option whenever a marriage has truly come to its end. Just know that both of these options, separating as well as a divorce, can be psychologically and financially damaging – to both parties. According to the above mentioned author, Gottman, divorce has become an easy and accepted solution for marital problems. “Too often, one of the partners is reluctant to work on their marriage, because they assume that their partner does not care or will not go along with them,” he says. This truly is a problem, because only when both partners are willing to put effort into their marriage, which includes working on solving major issues, can their marriage survive.

Hopefully, this article has given you some helpful tips on what it takes to have – and maintain – a happy marriage. Stay strong and keep fighting for your relationship and the one you love.