18 Signs You are Experiencing Relationship Anxiety
Relationship Anxiety refers to those feelings of worry, insecurity, and doubt that may come up in a relationship, even if everything is going relatively well and both of the partners seem happy. When experiencing relationship anxiety, you might feel totally insecure or unworthy for no reason at all, are unable to believe anything positive your partner says to you, and always expect the worst of things to happen in your relationship.
For no apparent reason you might suddenly feel a full-blown panic in your stomach and an immense sense of dread. This is not about simply having fallen in love and being afraid of getting hurt … relationship anxiety can take on a much more dramatic form.
Relationship anxiety does not have to be a permanent condition, but it can be very intense and may hurt you – and your relationship. Should you not be able to get over such anxiety on your own, or with the help of your partner, you might want to consider seeking help from a professional therapist.
Following are 20 points to help you find out whether you are experiencing relationship anxiety.
1. You Feel Like You’re Competent in a Lot of Areas, But Not in Love
It is common to have some doubts about your own capabilities. However, if you are struggling with relationship anxiety, this usually means that you have developed an unrealistic view of what your relationship is supposed to be – or what your part of the relationship is supposed to be.
The truth is that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and as such, there will be things that you can do well, and things you might struggle with. If you feel completely incompetent in regards to having a relationship, you may be dealing with relationship anxiety.
2. You are Feeling More Frustrated Than You Normally Do
A common experience among people suffering from relationship anxiety is that they feel angry and annoyed during the day and extremely tired at night. Such rollercoaster emotions will wear on you and keep you from focusing on what is important. Often these feelings pop up a soon as you don’t have enough things going on to occupy your mind, and so you get busier and busier in order not to have to think and reflect. Still, your level of frustrating keep rising.
3. You Haven’t Been Sleeping Well Since You Fell in Love
Another common experience among anxiety sufferers is having difficulty sleeping. It can be due to many different factors, such as anxiety about the relationship, routine changes, new responsibilities, or simply the over-thinking and feelings of insecurity that come with a burgeoning romance. Not being able to fall asleep or sleep well usually implies anxiety.
4. You are Madly In Love, But it Still Doesn’t Feel Right
Relationships are complex and involve a lot of emotions. It would be completely normal to experience a little anxiety, in that sense that you may be all excited about this new guy and at the same time feel insecure – just because you are unable to predict the future.
Your feelings about your partner are likely to change over time … the trust in and acceptance of your partner should solidify. If your feelings of anxiety don’t get less, even after you have gotten to know your partner better – let’s say after a few weeks or months, you are experiencing relationship anxiety. This typically becomes evident during the first few months of a new relationship.
5. You Still Believe That Love Needs to Be Earned
Usually, when people are in love, they will only see each other’s best sides, and everything seems to be just perfect. After a while, as they get to know each other, they will begin to realize their differences. Expectations like that may surface during that time, meaning that one of the partner’s may expect the other one to do things a certain way, in order to earn his love.
Having to earn someone’s love is never a good thing and bound to fail. However, if you start every new relationship thinking that you must first earn your partner’s love and respect, and feel like you don’t measure up, you may suffer from relationship anxiety.
6. With Every new Relationship You Stress About Having to Know if he ‘Mr. Right’
As soon as you meet a new guy, are you totally stressing out, thinking you need to know whether he’s really ‘the one’? If you are, you are trying to put way too much weight on the future of your relationship. You cannot know things ahead of time.
Some guy may look perfect on the outside and tell you the most promising things, but turn out to be a jerk, while another guy may not seem as attractive to you in the beginning, but then turns out to be the most wonderful person. Stressing out to and insisting on immediately knowing if you’ve found your prince is impossible – only time will tell.
7. You Pick on Your Partner all the Time
If you are experiencing relationship anxiety, it is common to take out your frustrations on your partner – and definitely should things get tense. You might be getting annoyed with him for not helping you with something, or telling him that he is totally selfish for wanting to have the last scoop of ice cream. You might even be picking on him for no apparent reason, and you just can’t seem to stop.
8. You Seem to Focus Only on What Might Go Wrong
Usually people who have suffered trauma, such as the loss of a loved one, are likely to be more concerned with what might go wrong in a relationship – because of their fear of having to experience another trauma. You may not have experienced any trauma yourself, but you still find yourself unable to handle change? Do you feel like you are getting daily anxiety attacks just thinking about what all could go wrong in your new relationship?
9. You Experience More Anxiety in the Morning and Before You Go to Bed
It is common for people who struggle with relationship anxiety to experience anxiety attacks before going to bed, or while trying to fall asleep -and the same thing happening as soon as they open their eyes in the morning.
This might be happening, because you are not busy at work, with a million things to do that take your mind off of your relationship. But as soon as it gets quiet around you, you begin to over-analyze your relationship and start worrying about things that you could have done differently … or wondering how your relationship can possibly continue.
10. You Have a Hard Time Letting Go of Feelings That Are No Longer Relevant
If you are experiencing relationship anxiety, you tend to hold onto negative feelings instead of letting them go. You may have had a bad relationship and are not able to shake off those negative feelings of hurt and anger. You may still feel like the victim and expect your new partner to treat you the same. You hold on to those negative feelings and cannot get yourself to trust again.
11. You Feel Like You Are a Bad Person
Just because you have some weaknesses along with your strengths does not mean that you are a bad person. And just because you may experience some disagreements or moments of stress in your relationship, does not mean that you are the bad person.
No one is better than the other; we are all just humans and will make mistakes. If you always question yourself and think that it’s all your fault, whatever the situation, you may be suffering from relationship anxiety.
12. You Have Trouble Identifying the Differences Between Healthy Relationships and Those That Were Dysfunctional or Abusive
It is quite common for people who were brought up in an unhealthy or abusive relationship to have trouble knowing what a healthy relationship would even look like. If this has happened to you, you might be totally overwhelmed by your new partner being kind, respectful and loving. Growing up in and having suffered from a dysfunctional relationship is a very serious matter and not to be taken lightly.
13. You Have Trouble Letting Go of Negative Thoughts
There is a difference between reflecting on something negative that happened in your relationship in order to learn from it, and obsessing about it. If you struggle with this, or find yourself trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, you might suffer from relationship anxiety.
14. You Think About the Relationship All of the Time
Anxiety-prone partners have a higher tendency to think and worry about their relationship constantly. Are you so preoccupied with thinking – and maybe worrying – about your relationship that you cannot get your job done and already have your boss complaining? It’s wonderful to think about your loved one, but only to the point where it does not paralyze you and keeps you from doing anything else.
15. You Start Avoiding People
If you find yourself avoiding people, even the ones you are usually comfortable with being around you, you might suffer from relationship anxiety. Anxiety gets in the way of your ability to feel secure around others. Are you withdrawing yourself from your colleagues, family, friends – and even your partner?
16. You Feel Like You Cannot Trust Anyone
Do you feel like you cannot trust anyone anymore – not even your partner? Are you constantly asking him what he is doing and where he is at, driving him crazy by checking in on him all day long? Such distrustful behavior is either caused by jealousy, or by relationship anxiety – and will make it very difficult for your relationship to last.
The bottom line
If all or most of the above mentioned points apply to you, you might be suffering from relationship anxiety. If you really love and value your partner – and yourself – you may want to consider seeking the advice of a therapist. Should you be suffering from relationship anxiety, a good therapist can be a great source of help in overcoming those anxieties – and in saving your relationship.
