Before you Decide to Marry Someone ask Yourself These 10 Questions
Most of us long to find that one special someone, whom we can completely trust, talk to about anything and everything, and spend the rest of our lives with. We all want to belong and have a happy home to come home to. We long to feel safe and secure and know that there is someone we can rely on, no matter what comes our way. Once we believe that we have found that special person, we want to let the whole world know – and are soon ready to plan our wedding!
And yes, to want to enter this unique and promising adventure called marriage is a wonderful thing, but also hard work. And, first and foremost, you need to make sure that the guy you picked to be your husband is really the right match.
How do you know if you have found that Mr Right? And when can you be sure that the time has come to marry? What does it really mean to succeed in this commitment called marriage?
Today, many couples decide to move in together before getting married. The benefit of living together first is that you have the chance to really get to know each other, on an every day basis. Your partner can promise you all that he wants to and tell you all kinds of wonderful things about himself, but it is only in the living together that you can find out whether what he says is true, and whether he keeps his promises.
It is also essential to understand your preferences before trying to find love and committing to marriage. If you are not sure what you want in a relationship, you will likely end up frustrated or unsatisfied. You need to be sure of your own expectations, in order to avoid ending up with someone who will not be able to meet your needs and wants.
It is definitely worth asking yourself the following questions before you take the plunge, because marriage is a legal contract between two people, and should not be taken lightly.
1. Do I really want to get married?
Many of us marry because we feel pressured – by our parents, our partner, our circumstances, or our personal beliefs. But what matters most is the question: do YOU really want to get married at this point in your life? If you think that you are ready to get married, what are the reasons?
Do you think that you have found that special someone, who genuinely seems to love you? Or do you barely know that guy and are just head over heals in love? Do you just want to move out to get out from under your parent’s control? Are your motifs financial ones? Do not take this lightly but honestly ask yourself: are you really ready for such a commitment? If the answer is no, do not marry until you can honestly answer this question.
2. Am I willing to accept a commitment beyond trial courtships and date night?
It is so much fun to go out on dates and have someone who courts you. Dating someone new is always romantic and gives you butterflies in your stomach. You enjoy the attention you are getting and can’t think of anything else except that first kiss – and you can hardly wait to see him again. The way he looks at you makes you feel loved and the way he treats you makes you feel like a lady.
Being in love is probably one of the most exciting and electrifying times in your life – and that’s exactly how it should be. However, deciding to spend the rest of your life together is a totally different story. It can be a wonderful story, if both of you truly accept and respect each other, share enough of the same interests and goals, and are willing to work through whatever problems come your way. A marriage is hard work, and both partners must be equally committed to working on it, in order to experience a happily ever after.
3. Am I willing to accept my partner’s faults?
This question goes to the heart of accepting people as they are, including all of their faults and weaknesses – and all the things they may do differently from you. In the beginning of a relationship you only focus on what you and your partner have in common. This works as long as you only see each other a couple of times a week, bur still live in your own households.
Once you marry and live together, and see each other every morning, evening, weekend and holiday, more of your true personalities will begin to show – the positive sides as well as the negative sides. And both of you will have things that will potentially drive your partner crazy. Ask yourself, if you are willing to accept your partner’s kinks … are you able to live with them day in and day out? And how much are you willing to compromise?
4. Do I trust my partner?
Trust is one of the most important pillars of any happy and healthy relationship. Do you trust your partner? Has he proven himself trustworthy? Does he mean what he says, and does he keep his promises? Is he completely honest with you, or does it seem like he is hiding something? Has he lied to you before? Unless you feel like you can completely trust your partner, don’t even think about making such a commitment as marriage.
5. Can I trust my partner regarding finances?
The issue of finances is an issue that many couples have a hard time resolving, but it’s most important to be resolved before getting married. Both of you need to be completely clear on your current financial standing, as well as your future plans.
How does your partner handle his money? Is he frugal, or does he spend his money faster than he makes it? Is he generous, or a miser? Does he have a steady income, and how high is his income? Does he make enough money to take care of you, should you decide to stay at home and have a baby? What are his future plans in regards to making, spending – and saving money? Will you have one joint bank account, or each have your own?
6. Do you share common long-term goals?
You and your partner’s long-term goals should be the same, if you want your marriage to last. There are important issues to talk about and agree upon before getting married. Do you both want children – and how many? And how long do you want to wait before having children? Do you want to stay in the same city, or are you open to moving, should one of you receive an interesting job offer in another city – or country? Do you want to build a house some day? Do you want to stay close to your parents? Do you want to try to save money – and how much? Where do you see yourselves 10 years from now?
7. What if my partner’s been unfaithful?
It’s something no-one wants to think about when getting married, but nonetheless, it is a legitimate and very important question, especially if your partner has been unfaithful before. It happens more often than you think. And it is always devastating to the one it’s happening to. Of course, no-one wants or expects this in their own relationship, but still, it happens.
The question is, what to do if it happens to you? Is your partner filled with remorse and apologizes to you – and seems to genuinely mean it? Can you forgive him? And can you be happy, always knowing that he’s been with another woman? Do you trust him not to do it again?
And what if this happened to you? What if you were the one, away visiting friends, then got drunk at a party and ended up with another man in bed? Do you expect your partner to forgive you? Unfaithfulness can happen to both of you – it’s not always the man who is unfaithful. Either way around, this is a sensitive issue and most hurtful, because it’s a betrayal of your trust. Definitely an important issue to deal with, should it have occurred before.
8. How important is religion?
What are your personal beliefs, and what are his? How important is it to you to be able to share this aspect of your life with your partner? If you are a Christian and he is not, for example, do you still expect him to come to church with you? What if he is from a different denomination than you? Can you agree on a church that will cater to both of your personal beliefs? What if he is a Moslem or believes in one of the Hindu gods? Do you want to be able to pray with your partner? What if your partner is an atheist and does not even believe that there is a God? Can you accept each other’s beliefs without being able to share them?
If you have any doubts in your current relationship that arise from these questions, it would be good to hold off on your wedding plans. First talk to your partner about these issues and discuss how you can resolve them. If these issues are too hard to fix, or the other person is unwilling to resolve them, you may want to move on, because he may not be that Mr. Right after all.
