How to Know if Someone is Your Soulmate
The idea of finding the one perfect partner in a population of 7.9 billion people is close to impossible, according to scientific studies. Even just doing the math, we realize how slim our chances are in finding Mr. Right. But despite these grueling numbers, lots of people still hold on to the idea that there is only one person in the world, who is truly meant to become their partner.
The Disney concept of happy endings clearly reflects our society’s longing. Despite the fact that today’s goals are all about finding ourselves and focusing on our own personal and business successes, there is an innate longing in us not to want to be alone, but to connect with that special someone. So, how do we know that the guy we met and fell in love with is also our true soulmate? Let’s first look at the meaning of the word itself.
What is the meaning of the word “soulmate”?
Plato, the ancient Greek philosopher, was probably the first person to document the meaning of the word soulmate in his work The Symposium. A symposium was a greek ritual banquet, during which the participants would take turns giving speeches. In this particular story, a doctor called Eryximachus, proposes that the noble men take turns giving speeches in praise (also called eulogies) of Love, or the god Eros. The Symposium takes the occasion to first praise Love and then to define it, hereby creating the word Soulmate.
Plato later on came up with the Twin Flames concept, which comes from the idea that when God, or The Great Spirit, created people, he took each soul and split it in half, in order to devoid men of their power. This split created a deep longing in each one of us to find the other half, so that we might be whole again. Ever heard the expression that we complete each other?
Socrates, another Greek philosopher, who was Plato’s mentor, had another theory. He believed that soulmates were the exact opposite of each other. His theory was that there was more of a symbiotic relationship between soulmates, where one would provide what the other did not have.
The ideas of these two philosophers allow us some good insight into the ancient idea of the word. Since Plato and Socrates’ time, the world has changed, and so have our expectations regarding human interaction, lifestyle, and relationship, as reflected in the article the modern-day definition of a soulmate. However, our longing for a soulmate is the one thing that does not seem to have changed.
In his article, “What is a Soulmate?,” the author Dr. Michael Tobin, family and marital psychologist, says the following: “A soulmate is someone who you feel deeply connected to, but not in a dependent or needy way. The guiding principle in a relationship between soulmates is that needs are equally met because a soulmate relationship should challenge you to move from selfishness to giving.”
“It’s the realization that this person who shares your life is a part of yourself,” Tobin goes on to say. “A soulmate is an individual that has a lasting impact on your life. Your soulmate is your fellow traveler on the journey of life—you need one another to grow beyond the limitations of your individual selves.”
Can we really find our soulmate?
Some people think that finding your perfect soulmate is just a silly belief. Scientists call this idea ridiculous and impossible to realize. And yet, if finding our soulmate makes us feel ‘whole’, which seems to be the feeling everyone describes after having found the love of their life, then Plato’s theory might be true after all.
Why should you not be able to find the one be perfectly suited for you – fact is, unless you are suited for each other, your relationship is probably not going to work anyway. Another fact is, even before you are able to establish a relationship, the two of you need to feel a real connection with one another. Without feeling connected, a relationship probably wouldn’t even develop.
Before going on that search for your soulmate, it might be a good idea to know exactly what you are looking for in a partner. This calls for some realism and honesty on your behalf. What virtues are most important to you? What character traits are you looking for? Which behavior could you tolerate, and which would never be an option? Take some time to define your idea of that perfect soulmate.
At the same time, it’s important to realize that finding your soulmate is no guarantee for a perfect life. Nobody is perfect – neither are you – and any relationship will face smaller or bigger conflicts. That’s just the way it is.
Some people believe that soulmates can be found, others believe that soulmates are made. Whatever you believe, even after having found your ‘perfect match’, to have a long-lasting and happy relationship, both partners need to work on it, because there will always be some issues that you will disagree on.
The danger of expecting perfection
If you believe that there is only one person for that perfect match, you may be searching for a long time. Depending on how high your expectations are, you may have a hard time finding that ‘perfect one’. As much as it’s important not to compromise on sharing the same values, setting your expectations on perfection will probably cause you to miss your goal.
Having unrealistic expectations will ultimately cause dissatisfaction and probably make both of you unhappy. Whether you have already found your perfect soulmate or not, false expectations are a huge contributor to conflict in any relationship. Having a more realistic outlook, and expecting your relationship to have its ups and downs, are crucial to any successful marriage.
How do you know that he’s your soulmate?
You may still be looking for your soulmate – or maybe you have already found your soulmate and just don’t know it yet. Following are some tips on how to recognize whether your current partner is your soulmate:
The issue of mutual respect
Mutual respect is one of the best indicators of a happy relationship. Any deeper and lasting connection between two people – whether on a business or private level – is based on mutual respect. Do you and your partner respect each other? Accept each other’s differences? Don’t interrupt each other while discussing something? Can you agree to disagree?
The balancing act
Every person is unique, and even true soulmates can be completely different -they probably have different temperaments, backgrounds, likes and dislikes. Opposites attract, and if both of you are open-minded, you can learn a lot from – and complement – each other.
The challenge is to have enough common ground pertaining the real important issues in your lives, so that you can agree to disagree on the lesser important things. The key is to find a healthy balance between giving and taking. If both of you are willing to compromise, and interested in learning from one another, you will complement each other.
You agree on important things
One important point of being true soulmates is that you agree on the most important aspects of your relationship. When it comes to things like honesty and mutual respect, being on the same page is key. Then there are some other important issues you should agree on, like whether you want children or not and where you want to live.
No pretense necessary
You will know that you have found your soulmate, if you can totally be yourself around them. If you can be silly, make mistakes, cry, share your deepest secrets and most embarrassing moments, and they don’t judge you, you’ve probably found the right partner. There should be no need for pretense in a relationship.
Find and speak your Love Language
Whenever you have a disagreement and cannot understand each other’s point, it’s time for your love language to kick in. In his book The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman writes: “We all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving or giving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.”
You and your partner may not share the same love language, and that is completely okay. The most important thing is to understand each other’s love language and to use it, especially when your verbal communication fails.
There is chemistry
Is there chemistry between the two of you? Chemistry is defined as ‘a deep bond between two people, usually characterized by intense feelings of attraction and sexual interest’. Sharing the same chemistry helps you keep your love alive and sparkling. Do you love making eye contact? Does his presence fill you with joy? Are you totally comfortable around him? Do you love to laugh with him? Can you be silly together? Does his touching you excite you? When your interactions feel incredibly well, when you’re always excited to see him, and everything feels totally natural when you are together, you’ve got that chemistry.
You feel secure
Being soulmates does not take away potential problems that come with relationships, but no matter what, you should feel completely secure around him. A mutual feeling of security ensures that your relationship is built on solid ground. Feeling secure fends off doubts and reduces anxiety.
You are each other’s biggest fans
A true soulmates will always believe in you and motivate you to be all that you can be. There is nothing more wonderful than finding a man who makes you feel like you are his queen. When your partner is excited about your achievements, shows his support when you need it most, and is genuinely happy when you are happy, you have probably found your soulmate.
